Kosshi
by Namonai Saku
Summary: A story detailing Kimimaro's life, as he looks back on it. Will be M later as the story progresses.


**Disclaimer: **Naruto and all its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

**A/N: **_Well…here it is. My first Naruto Fanfic. Please no flames. _

**Kosshi—Part 1**

Ever since the day I was born, everyone around me knew I was not going to be normal. White hair…among a clan of elite ninja with dark hair. That was not even the beginning. Apart with having the Shikotsumyaku, a bloodline limit that allows one to constantly regenerate bones to use as weapons and a means of self defense, I also had some useful attributes my family took into notice.

Particularly my ability to fight. In their eyes, I fought so well that they actually feared me! My own family! Now when I think of it, most families were not like this. Even if they were not family, they still might accept you. Like Zabuza-san and his tool Haku that I met. Even thought they were not related, Zabuza-san still respected Haku. But, being of the harsh Kaguya bloodline, they locked me away in a cage, only letting me to come out during one of their bloodthirsty battles on the Kirigakure family or the Village of the Hidden Mist.

I would spend my days in the cage, waiting in the dark and shivering. I liked the dark and was used to it. The only source of light I had would be a torch, down the hall leading to my cage. I was smart enough to know it wasn't for me, but more for my 'feeder', whom I nicknamed Ataenushi, or merely giver.

He was the only real contact that I would have with anything that was breathing and moving, except for the odd rat that would scurry across the floor. If I had eaten what Ataenushi had given me that day, then I would kill the rat, having enough strength to grow a bone and spear it. I would watch in fascination for days as the rotting carcass of the rat decomposed, until Ataenushi took it away. I never really noticed or minded the smell. It already smelt of decomposed flesh in my cage. Sometimes I wondered where that smell came from…I never knew, until I thought about it a few years later. There were prisoners that my family was merciful enough to spare, but not feed or take care of. I realized that like the rat, they were decomposing too. Though I never really thought about it anymore.

When no more rats came by me, I started to find other ways to entertain myself. I would grow a bone out of the palm of my hand. It would be a sharp one, like I would use when fighting. I would start drawing pictures in the dust that collected on the floor of my cage. Sometimes it would be a picture of the rats that I caught and killed. Sometimes it would be of the people I saw when I went out to fight. They always had big shiny and sharp things. When I asked what they were, my do-san would laugh, and tell me that they were swords.

But when Ataenushi came by with my food, they would be erased. He would laugh, and scold me. I do not know what for now, but it was something on focusing on getting stronger. I did not see how being locked up in a small cage would help that, but in their minds it could, so I accepted it. I missed my drawings. They were not good enough for me. I wanted something real. Something I could touch without ruining or killing it, because everything I ever touched disappeared.

One day, a piece of the rock wall fell off from behind me. It had collapsed back only a few feet. Ataenushi had rushed down to see if something was wrong. He found me sitting on top of a pile of rocks. After another scolding, I was left by myself. I had started playing with the rocks. When I threw them up against something hard, most of the time they would not break. It was at that time that I realized that the rock would not go away. I started to try and draw pictures into the rock. I would only be able to make pictures if I hit the rock hard enough. Sometimes the bone I used would break. But I would grow another one that was stronger, and hit the rock again.

One day when I came back from fighting, all the rocks were gone. My cage was bare again. I felt something in my chest at that moment. I do not know what it was, but it didn't feel nice. I didn't like the feeling. I thought something was wrong with me. I would have told Ataenushi, but he would think that I would be weak and not able to fight. I wanted to fight. It was the only time I would be able to get out of the cage.

After spending days (or what I could comprehend were days) thinking about the rocks, I felt the same unpleasant feeling in my chest. I spent hours on the rocks. But this time it hurt more. I remember taking my bone dagger and hitting the wall behind me with it. It felt good to hit something when I had the unpleasant feeling. I kept on wondering why I was in the cage. I wondered what I had done to be placed in the cage. I kept on hitting the wall, watching as bits of it fell off. I only stopped when I felt tired, or when my arm got sore. Sometimes I would stop for days because the bad feeling went away.

One day I actually looked where I was hitting. It was in the shape of the head of a person. It looked like the people I was sent to kill. I didn't know what I felt at that moment when I saw it. But it was another stirring in my chest. It was one that made me one to scream, laugh and cry at the same time.

I remember reaching my hand out to touch the smooth surface. I called the face Kami-sama. I remember that Kami-sama was my friend. Sometimes I would ask him if a god really existed, while running my hands over his smooth cheek. It felt like touching a real person. Only…that person would not talk to you, and was cold and hard. Whenever I talked to Kami-sama I would get a feeling in my chest. At first my chest felt heavy, but then as I ran my hands over Kami-sama's cheek and talked to him, my chest would not feel heavy anymore…


End file.
